Read More

supersaiyan-twerkmaster:

benefits of being my boyfriend

• you get to touch the booty
• you get to touch the booty in public
• you get to touch the booty in bed
• you get to touch the booty upside down
• you get to touch the booty sideways
• you get to touch the booty 

i try not to sound like an asshole but it’s really hard because i am an asshole

annemarina:

ATTENTION: I need attention

jewassicpark:

“pass me a joint”

i rip off my arm, crying as i pass the detached extremity to my friend 

morristibbs:

IF SOMEONE IS SCARED OF SPIDERS OR BUGS DONT FUCKING PICK ONE UP AND WALK TOWARDS THEM WITH IT YOU ARENT FUCKING FUNNY YOU’RE A GODDAMN ASSHOLE

when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that i can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s better and involves me

menstruate:

red white and blue are the colors of freedom until they’re flashing in your rearview mirror